When I was a kid, my dad would joke around with this saying "oh my back, my hip and my two sore sides!" any time he had a little ache or pain. I'd chuckle and say, "Oh Dad, you're so silly. Why is something always hurting!?" It was weird, I thought, that he was always achy (he has degenerative disc disease in his spine, so he really was always hurting, poor guy). Surely I wouldn't have problems, I was healthy, right!?

When I say I've had health issues since we've been on the mission field, I might be simplifying it just a bit. The truth is, I haven't felt good since we got here nearly 7 years ago. The funny thing is, I've known quite a few missionaries since our time began in Ecuador, and this is a pretty common trend. The wife is sickly, and the husband is vibrant. I could gather up a lot of assumptions about why this is happening... lack of exercise, change in diet, stress and worry taking their toll, parasites and bacteria that we don't have in our home countries... there are a lot of contributing factors. I'm actually sure that literally every single one of those things is to blame in my own personal life, but that's neither here nor there.

What I've determined that it boils down to, really, is that two key things are going on here... 1) the enemy is really good at attacking and manipulating people who are working in his territory, and 2) God is REALLY good at getting our attention through suffering.

Do you know how many missionary families have left their calling because of health issues?? Too many to count!!! Now, I'm not saying that anyone should stick it out or that God even wants them to stay in a place where their body is rebelling against them (please, if you're sick go get treatment!) .. What I am saying is that there is probably no better way to get rid of an enemy than to make them suffer bodily harm through sickness and discomfort that they can't control. I cannot count how many times over the years that I have wanted to go "home" because I almost couldn't handle the emotional stress that sickness was causing me. To never feel good just kind of wears you down in a way that very little else does, and we have an enemy coming after us whenever he can seeking to separate us from God and from the work he has given us.

I said all that to get to that second key thing... God getting my attention. I listened to this sermon today by Jim Cymbala of Brooklyn Tabernacle, entitled "The Christian Life." Here's a link to it if you'd like to have a listen. To say it got my attention is an understatement. Honestly, it broke me, and I sat sobbing in my computer chair as I was listening to it with an ice pack on my bad back. The truth is, I've been living in a state of self-pity and general discouragement for far too long. You hear people say "give it to God," and think, "Well, I have given it to God. I've prayed and prayed for Him to take it away or help me accept it and I'm getting nowhere here! What more does giving it to God entail? What am I missing here!? I'm 31, my body is falling apart, I'm always sick... how can I not be depressed about this?" What Cymbala brings up is that in whatever trial we are facing, the most important part in the equation is to remember that Jesus is ultimately in control and we need to praise him no matter what!!! He's given you a sea to cross and He's waiting on the other side for you to cross it. I won't lie, I KNOW this, and HAVE KNOWN this for as many years as I've been a Christian, but I suppose somewhere along the line discouragement kind of made my flesh blind to this vital truth of the Gospel and how to live it out in my own life. I have to be honest, I've found it difficult to worship and praise the Lord in the matter of my health because I've been so beaten down about it (yes, I know, bad missionary... but it's true). I think what I've FINALLY come to in this incredibly long trial, is that I've let my health and body determine my level of joy; I've let it steal the joy I should have in Christ! Satan didn't steal my joy when he may or may not have made my life a bit more difficult... I let that joy go when I was too overwhelmed to see Christ's sovereignty in the midst of my suffering.

Let me be clear here. I DO NOT under any circumstances believe that if we have just enough faith that God HAS to heal us, or that we shouldn't suffer as believers because "by His stripes we are healed." Guys, in this world we will have trouble, but JESUS overcame the world. Our flesh is subject to sickness and death... whether we have faith or not. The great news is, we can choose to live in discouragement when these trials come our way, or we can choose to worship the Lord and have joy in spite of our suffering. I pray that going forward I can choose to live in the joy of the Lord, and that if you're going through a trial today that you can too. The Lamb that was slain is worthy of all our praise, no matter the situation!